I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
