.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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