the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
