I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
