Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
