ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're breaking my sexual little heart
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
