Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
