I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
