please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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