im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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