I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
