You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
