hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
