The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just had sex bonerless
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they're like a gay fantastic four
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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