I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
