my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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