dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
