So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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