if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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