Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
