I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
