the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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