blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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