I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
