I'm jealous of your bromance
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
