i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
