I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
