She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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