WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
