I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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