He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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