he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
