i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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