ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
