im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
