also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
