The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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