He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
