anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
