Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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