why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
