How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
