Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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