C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
