he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
