New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
