You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
