The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
