If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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