at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
