My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
