Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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